


Curses to Blessings: Part 1

by Skyler10



Series: Curses to Blessings [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexuality Spectrum, Canon Compliant, Dimension-Hopping Rose, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Mutual Pining, Pete's World Torchwood, Post-Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, Pre-Episode: s02e13 Doomsday, Romance, Sex Talk, Telepathic Bond, curse of the time lords
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-05 05:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12183363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyler10/pseuds/Skyler10
Summary: Ten explains why he and Rose can be and are together romantically, but not sexually. Turns out there is more to the Curse of the Time Lords than he previously mentioned.





	1. Curse of the Last

**Author's Note:**

> The classic model of keeping the hero and heroine apart in a romantic adventure story is to introduce a barrier, a plausible explanation for why they can’t be together in some way. This is my theory on what happened there. 
> 
> Heads up: The second story in this series (Part 2) will (eventually) be a virginity loss smut fic for @dwsmutfest, so if you aren't into that, feel free to stop with this two-chapter story. Yes, this story (Part 1) will have two chapters: this one and one with Tentoo x Rose talking about how the curse doesn't apply to them anymore. This series also contains hidden sappy lines from a sappy lines prompt meme @doctorroseprompts reblogged. ;)

It happened after a particularly harrowing adventure. Despite his speech months earlier outside a chippy with Sarah Jane and Mickey listening in though they pretended not to be, the Doctor and Rose had continued kissing after their adventures, during their adventures, between adventures, to say good night, to say good morning….

He knew they would eventually be headed down this path, and he’d have to put a stop to it, but he loved—ahem—he loved _kissing_ Rose. He tried to discipline his mind to not use the L-word for her directly. If he used that word, all sorts of _if-only_ s played in his head. If only her lifespan matched his. If only he were human. If only he didn’t have this curse… the curse of the Time Lords.

It wasn’t only about mismatched forevers. It was, to put it crudely, about sex. Normally, he was very happy being asexual. He’d experimented in his youth with sexual activities, all in the name of science, of course, but the warnings from his superiors stuck with him: intercourse would form an unbreakable telepathic bond. The curse had never affected him before, as he hadn’t experienced attraction strong enough to risk it.

Then came Rose Tyler.

Rose was something new altogether. He’d wanted her in his last body, but dying for her with a kiss and regenerating into this one—designed specifically to her liking—it was overwhelming how much he desired her. It wasn’t that the bond would be a horrible side effect of a one-night stand, no not at all. The problem was he _wanted_ the bond with her. He wanted everything with her.

But he couldn’t do that to a 21-year-old human. Especially not with the life they led.

He supposed he could have picked a more neutral setting and position to explain all of this to her. As it was, their kissing on the jumpseat had escalated to snogging. She straddled his lap and her purple shirt was being unbuttoned.

He realized he was helping her unbuttoned it.

“Stop,” he panted. “Stop.”

“Already done,” she purred and tossed the shirt to the floor. “Now, permission to keep kissing you?”

He tried to keep his eyes on her face and remember why they couldn’t do this, but her low-cut, tightly fitted camisole was incredibly distracting. Then his telepathic receptors flared with his arousal.

“Rose, please, just…” He pressed lightly on her shoulder, and she obeyed, sitting back on his lap.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m so sorry. It’s not you. I swear. You are so gorgeous and, trust me, I have never wanted you more. It’s me. Me and my stupid…” He inhaled and ran a hand through his mussed hair. “I should never have let things get this far—” But Rose interrupted him. Her frustration with his self-flagellation was no secret between them.

“None of that now, just tell me what’s going on.” She traced her fingers down the half-undone buttons of his shirt.

He steeled himself for a battle. Rose wanted him, he knew, and when Rose Tyler wanted something, there was nearly no stopping her. But he had to make her understand.

“Do remember me telling you about the Curse of the Time Lords?”

She was barely restraining herself from rolling her eyes, he knew, but being Rose, she responded with honest questions, trying to understand.  

“Yeah… not sure I understood it though, especially since we’ve been, well, _romantic_ since then.”

He supposed he had to give her that. He was the king of mixed signals, it was true. But before he could apologize, she went on.

“Is it that you think you’ll get too attached for something—to someone—so short-lived? Or are you worried you’ll regret it in time? You know I mean it when I say ‘forever,’ right? I know I don’t have much of one compared to you, but, Doctor, I’m only human and this is all I have to give. You’re the one thing that I can always see in my future. No matter how long that is.”

 _Oh no_ , he realized tears were welling up but she was holding them back, being strong for him as she so often had to be.

“I know, I know,” he soothed. “And I’m not asking for something you don’t have. You’re not ‘only’ anything. If you knew how much I wished I were human too…”

“Then what is it?” She was still sitting on his lap, tight fabric pushing up her cleavage and tempting him, and—in more ways than one—the presence of his heightened telepathic senses were all keeping him from shagging her right there. “I don’t want to be just friends, Doctor.”

“Neither do I, but there are some things we just can’t do if we’re going to be… _involved_. Rose, the other part of the curse is, umm, sex.”

“Oh.” She glanced down at his lap. Her tone and expression were both surprised and disappointed.

“No, I mean I CAN have sex!” he rushed to reassure her and restore his ego a bit. “But we can’t without creating a telepathic bond. Anyone I have intercourse with, well, it’s forever.”

“I’ve already promised you that,” Rose reminded him pointedly. “We’re in this together.”

The Doctor shook his head. “And what if something were to happen so that we weren’t? We risk our lives every day. If we were to bond and I were to die tomorrow, it would be unbearable for you.”

“It already would be!” Rose cried.  

“No, I mean, headaches, migraines. Debilitating ones. You physically couldn’t live the wonderful, extraordinary, beautiful life you were meant to have. I have to be able to walk into any situation knowing if something happens to me, the TARDIS will get you home, or wherever you want to go, and you can live your fantastic life, the life you deserve.”

Rose looked ready to fight back so he rushed to continue lest he lose his nerve.

“That’s the price of being the last of my kind. I can’t leave things for someone else to fix, as much as I want to some days. I have to be willing to risk my life for the sake of the universe, and I care about you too much to ruin yours along with it. I need to know you’re going to be ok if I don’t survive, if I can’t regenerate, like I nearly didn’t on the Game Station…”

“But I saved you, the Bad Wolf…” She hesitated to remind him. He had told her the truth but still didn’t like to talk about it. It scared him so much he still had nightmares that he couldn’t save her mind from burning. “I’ll stay by your side if you let me… I’d fight for you, you know that.”

“You might not be able to save me next time, Rose.”

“And you might not be able to save me,” she realized. “Oh, oh my poor Doctor. If you’re worried about _me_ having to live on for the rest of my life with so much pain, what would it be like for you?”

“Don’t worry about me,” he refused her empathy, but of course, she gave it anyway. He watched her heart break right in his lap.

“Of course I worry about you! I…” she let the confession die on her lips. They knew. They both knew.

“It might go away with regeneration, might not,” he shrugged, resigning himself to the fact that they were talking about this.

“And if we were bonded, and I were to die, whether from my human lifespan or tomorrow on some adventure, you’d have to suffer centuries, maybe thousands of years, yeah?”

He nodded. “I couldn’t defend the universe anymore, that’s how much it would hurt, all of the time. And same for you, if I were to…” He swallowed and looked away.

“You have to be there, to save everyone,” she affirmed, tears spilling out finally.

“Hey, shhh,” he soothed. “I’m here, please don’t cry.”

“You know, I’ve read about this a thousand times in comic books. The heroes have to choose, love or their responsibility to sacrifice. To save everyone.”

“Yeah? What did you think of their choices?” He held his breath as he waited for her answer.

“I don’t think you’d be the man you are if you chose selfishly,” she whispered, brushing her fingers over his cheek gently. “Why I’d have to go and fall for Superman?”

He smiled ruefully. “Wrong alien,” he teased.

“The last of the Time Lords then.” She raised her chin in defiance of fate. “It’s not fair. None of them had to carry this curse like you.”

He nodded against her palm and brought the back of her hand to his lips.

“You know I want to, right?” he asked, needing to know.

“You want to bond with me?” she asked on a breath.

“Yes. If I were just a telepathic human, even part human, it wouldn’t be that strong. We could have the bond without the curse. Matching lifespans, and barring that, the ability to grieve but keep defending the universe if one of us died, but still the full effect while we’re alive.”

“Sounds wonderful. If only.” She shook her head wearily. Just then, she yawned, as if her body was taking the opportunity to reinforce her humanness.

“No, no good in dwelling on that,” he said in reference to the very _if-only_ s he had brought up himself. “C’mon, time for bed.”

She stood and ran a hand through her hair, messing it further than it had been during their snogging.

“Stay with me tonight?” she asked. He stood and followed her to her bedroom. If he had to break both of their hearts tonight, the least he could do was hold her until she fell asleep.

Neither of them could know that it was their last night together. That tomorrow night, he would crumple to the grating at the memory of her. That he would pick up the discarded purple shirt and drape it over a railing as a reminder of the woman he’d lost.  That as it became clear he could never get her back, only say goodbye by extinguishing a sun, he’d play their “if only” over and over in his head until the only reason he was wishing he was human was so that if something went wrong, he wouldn’t have to choose not to regenerate.

But as painful as it was, carry on he did. She was out there, alive and well, using all she had learned to defend another Earth. With Donna and Martha’s help, the thought of Rose living the fantastic life she deserved kept him going every day, and in the end, ironically the strength he _did_ still have from the lack of the pain of a broken bond brought him closer to her. He didn’t want to live without her, it was true, but he resolved he would be the man she believed him to be: the one willing to sacrifice everything for the good of those who needed his protection, just as she was working every day for the same cause in another dimension.

Even if he couldn’t have Rose, he would still be the man she loved.  

* * *

 

It took a long time, but eventually the dark, aching pit in Rose’s stomach subsided enough that she could be happy. She smiled for her mother. She showed up at family meals. She began bonding with her new dad and looking forward to a baby brother. She had an exciting job she was good at (if she did say so herself), and friends who she could finally tell everything to about her mad life.

Yet every day, it was the thought of him that kept her going. She would find a way back to him. She didn’t care what it took. She knew his rational, Time Lord mind had done its best, but he meant it when he said he saw no way they could ever see each other again. But she had a strength he didn’t: she was human. She believed in impossible things. How could she not? She was in love with an alien.

The situation became much more dire, however, as the stars started going out.

“Rose!” Pete called down the long Torchwood hallway as she returned from a mission. “We’ve got a meeting in ten. Be there?”

“Got it.” She nodded, keeping her professional exterior. But inwardly butterflies twisted her gut. Her hands shook as she stored her multi-function ray gun for the day. Today was the day.

“Agent Tyler,” the chairwoman of the research and development board addressed her ten minutes later. “We have reviewed your application for Project… what was your name for it?”

“Bad Wolf,” Rose answered.

“Well, we call it insanity, but there’s nothing left. Our best scientists can’t figure out what’s causing the disappearance of these stars. The best they can calculate, it’s only a matter of time before the sun is taken as well.”

“Taken!?” Pete exclaimed. He gestured for the file the chairwoman held. She handed it over, confident he would come to the same conclusion their best experts had.

“No one can know,” Rose and the chairwoman said at the same time.

“I see we are in agreement.” The chairwoman sat back and folded her hands. “Director Tyler?”

“Alright.” He sighed and turned to Rose. “As director of Torchwood, I have to approve this project. There’s no other way. And there’s no one I trust more to complete it successfully. As your father, I have to say, be careful.”

“I will,” Rose reassured.

“Agent?” The chairwoman stood and stuck out her hand to shake Rose’s. “Bring back that Doctor of yours if you can. I’d like to meet him.”

A year and a half later, she did.


	2. Blessings of the Only

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tentoo and Rose have The Talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Happiness found here.

_This_ was the “if only.” It had happened. When she finally understood, it was like a wave from the nearby sea had washed away all the barriers between them. She grabbed his lapel and snogged him hard. It didn’t stop her from breaking away and running after the disappearing TARDIS to say goodbye, but he’d already left. And stayed. Here he was by her side, holding her hand. She rubbed her thumb over his. They were going to be alright.

But they had a lot to talk about.

First came the stories of while they were apart: explaining the dimension cannon and her job, how Martha and Donna had helped him, how they had moved on with their lives but their hearts still belonged to each other. They learned to love who each other were now, not just who they were years ago.

And this time, there was nothing keeping them apart. After awhile of this getting reacquainted, “goodnight kisses” were nothing short of foreplay. They intended to ease themselves into their new relationship, but living together, sharing a bed and a flat and everything… Taking it slow didn’t go as planned. There were fights, sure, but each time their makeup making out was hotter and heavier. They were so worked up that when they realized why each other took long showers, it only increased the tension.

One night they found themselves on their bed in the same position as they had been in on the jumpseat so long ago, Rose straddling the Doctor’s lap and hands in his hair while he unbuttoned her shirt. This time it was Rose who pulled away.

“Stop, Doctor,” she gasped as he nibbled at her neck.

“Hmm?” He stopped the love bite he was giving her, but it took a tug of her fingers to get him to lift his head.

“There’s something I never told you. Suppose it’s rather late now, but I always intended to…”

“What’s wrong?” He relaxed back against the headboard and tried to read her flustered expression.

“I’ve never actually… I’m technically, and only in the most literal sense of the word… um, a virgin.” She cringed, waiting for his response.

He blinked. “How?” She smacked his chest. Rude, as always.

“I’ve done plenty of _other_ _things_ , but you know, never actually got to the classic version. Mickey was always too afraid of accidentally getting me pregnant even though I was on the Pill and Jimmy just wanted, well, he fell asleep before we got to the main event, let’s just say.”

“And then you were with me,” he finished for her. “And we never…”

“Yup. And then I was tryin’ to find a way back to you. And now, you’re here,” she finished.

“Hm. Technical virgin.” He tried out the phrase as if it was just now occurring to him there was a name for it. “I suppose I am too.”

“Right.” She recalled their previous conversation about why and didn’t wish to relive the heartache, but she needed to know this moment—this relationship change—was what she assumed. “But it’s different now, yeah?”

His uncertainty melted into happiness. “Oh yes.”

“All those if onlys… I just still can’t believe it.” She shook her head for the thousandth time since he had explained it all to her on that beach. “We can bond now?”

“You still want to? With me?” His eyes pled with her to say yes.

“If you want to…” She ran a hand up and down his arm, needing the tactile reassurance that this was really happening. “We’ve been waiting so long.”

He inhaled and confessed what he had been doing in the lab at Torchwood in the evenings, though he had previously only told her “research.”

“I’ve been doing some tests on myself,” he began. “We don’t _have_ to bond anymore. Being free of the curse means not only would it not debilitate us if it was severed, _and_ we get one human life together, but it’s also voluntary. Your choice, Rose. If you just want an ordinary human relationship, we can have that.”

“Doctor.” She tilted his face up to meet her gaze with the loving touch she had used so long ago on the TARDIS in a parallel conversation, in a parallel dimension. “I want all of you. Do you think I fought so hard to get back to you because I wanted less than that? I love every bit of you, alien and human and whatever else. I don’t _just_ want sex with you. I want to be yours for the forever we can have. If you want it too, that is.”

“More than anything,” he exhaled in relief. “Remember what I told you about telepathy before?”

“It’s like texting but with thoughts and mental pictures?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled at her 21st century way of explaining it. “With a bond, you’ll be able to sense my presence and a few basic emotions in addition to being able to send and receive ‘messages’ with me.”

“Do we have to be touching? Not that I don’t like touching you.” She made a point of tracing her finger over his thin sleep T-shirt, making him shiver when she grazed over one of his nipples.

“Nah, it’s true I’m a touch telepath, so touch is very powerful for me,” he gasped in demonstration as she scooted closer in his lap and stroked the soft hair at the base of his neck. “But we don’t have to be touching if we’re bonded.”

“Good, I think that will be useful…” she trailed off, losing concentration as she eyed his lips. “Doctor?”

“Hm?”

“I’m glad it’s you, that it worked out this way. I want you to be my first.”

“Me too,” he mumbled and drew her into a passionate kiss, one that—for the first time—they both knew was not restricted by boundaries or _if-only_ s.


End file.
